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| Joy? See the joy? |
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| It may be knit but I am one cool cat ... um, pug. |
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| Rainbow bright? Are you serious? |
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| I'm sweet ... no, no, I won't bite your fingers off! Who told you? |
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| We love each other ... until you come into the picture ... you, or food, or toys ....or bones. |
My fabulous parents are coming to look after my fur-children for a week!
My list of reasonable rules and helpful hints are as follows:
Cast: My three year old twins: Lex (Boy) Moogie (Girl)
Lex will need his diaper on at all times. He has a whiz problem. The problem being he will whiz on everything including his sister. If you run out of the poise pads we use in his diaper (for his bladder incontinence) you can get them at the pharmacy. I usually like to tell the cashier they are for my aged grandmother. I don't pee my own pants - yet.
Moogie will bark when you are outside for wee time. She will bark until you watch her intently. She wants you to see her 'results'. While Moo is barking Lex will think she is signalling for him to pee on her. Close your eyes and hope for the best.
Farts. Deal with it. They are stinky. On the upside you can cut a few and blame it on them. I do.
Taking garbage from the kitchen in a bag. They don't like it. That garbage is their garbage. Be prepared to see them behave like Tasmanian devils on crack. This also applies to all brooms, Swiffers and vacuums Yes, I have taught them cleaning is BAD, BAD, BAD! My advice - hope the cleaning fairy comes or just hope you'll go blind.
Dining rules: Keep the bowls far, far apart. Hold off for a second before giving Lex his bowl. If he finishes first he may kill Moogie for her vittles. If you wouldn't mind calling Cesar Millan that would be great. Thanks.
Note: put the diaper on while he is eating (or risk running around in circles with him until he decides to pee somewhere). Your choice.
Do not make contact with Moo's mouth when giving treats. Throw them or drop them. That girl is a biter.
Blankets and turtlenecks. I suggest both. Lex is a typical man and will try to dive down your shirt for some titty time. He's not a perve ... really ... he just likes a little salty boob in his diet.
Face folds and ears. Lex gets dirty somehow. Wash his folds and his yellow peeper. He likes it. You know it's good when he shows you some lipstick.
Moogie likes to dress up in the evenings. If you do dress her make sure you pretend to take her picture or else she will get really pissed off. She's a star!
High maintenance? Not at all. Have fun!
